


It's all about Perspectives

by Wordlesslywriting



Series: Accidentally Falling in Love [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Big brother Shiro, F/M, Falling In Love, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Kidge Week 2016, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Other mentions of the paladins, Pidge just thinks its only her in love, Slow Romance, only because they are both awkward
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-09-07 20:58:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8816044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wordlesslywriting/pseuds/Wordlesslywriting
Summary: Being chosen to defend the universe was not something none of the current paladins signed up; falling in love even less. Which was why Pidge was having a tough time adjusting to the new development.
What she didn't know that Pidge wasn't the only bitten by the love bug.





	1. A toast to Nativity

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts Used: Secret, Home from Kidge Week.

As clichés went Pidge couldn’t stop herself from banging her head against her new appointed desk in the privacy of her work station.

In a normal situation, Pidge would have laughed in disgust if somebody asked about having crushes or anything remotely close to romance. She would have flipped a couple of birds if the subject was further shoved into her face back when she was still in earth where she was unfortunately surrounded by countless teens that prioritized of romantic and sexual relationships. It was practically what most of them thought, even when she infiltrated into the garrison. It was a little disheartening having to mingle in crowds and listening to the snippets only to regurgitate the same conversations again. It was expected since the student body were still somewhat focused on that subject but, it still was annoying to wiggle her way out. Her awkwardness mixed with her seriousness was what kept them at bay; back then, Pidge wondered why it was Lance and Hunk tried to befriend her. Though with what has transpired, she could feel herself to be slightly grateful how friendly they were by nature. Even if Hunk tended to be the worry-wort and Lance being somewhat nosey. A year inside the school taught her to be nameless and invincible, and the way things were shaping inside Allura’s space castle it felt like good training. She didn’t say it out loud why, but she was sure her body would eventually give enough hints why she would want to be invisible.

It drove her crazy the way her body decided to betray her, because back then Pidge was a natural for never getting attached to a lot of people. It was just her family and Shiro when he was introduced to her. It was normal for her to find peace with familial love, and for her passion for technology. There would be no unnecessary heartbreak or one-sided attractions. It would be just her family, and technology. Simple, and always abundant. Losing half her family crushed her, but it made her work harder than ever before. It gave her a bigger purpose, to see how strong her faith was. In a twist way she was thankful; because she wanted her family to see how strong she could be and how far she would go to protect them. Even now as she took a big breath and waited for the pain from her forehead to fade. Her bangs would hide most the bruising, but she knew that if she wasn’t careful someone would notice the repeating forehead bruises. In reflex, she looked at her reflection and tried to even out her hair. No matter how hard she tried to avoid it, banging her forehead in frustration was just a habit she couldn’t shake. Pidge knew that if she kept it up she would sooner or later get a concussion.

But it was hard to not want to feel sick the way her body started to react differently towards someone. It was unpleasant in the way her usual sweaty palms became more slick. It was disgusting, and annoying the way it was accompanied by a rib cage that got beat up from her heart. She could sense her legs threaten to wobble in the same fashion like she finishes training with the rest of the team. Her thoughts…. don’t even get her started. Before this insane space warrior crap that was sprouted Pidge had things planned. She would find what happened to Matt and their father and would recuse them, her family would be together again and happily ever after. There would be no prince charming, because if that role had to occupied Pidge would rather have it been replaced with an animal companion like some stories had. Romance would have no relevance in her life, Pidge was content with what she already had. She was a capable person that didn’t need to be a damsel, her family taught her better than that. Which was why it irked her the way her heart was rebelling with her ideals. She didn’t need a guy. Nope. Not one bit. But he still mother fucking came relevant to her life. He had to be a part of paladins that formed Voltron and the first guy that made her awkwardness a true setback. Life truly sucked balls, and Pidge was not a happy camper the way things were turning. It wasn’t like she could pretend that he was ugly. God no, she was a bad liar; good enough to fool some people about her background and gender in garrison but, not good enough to pretend she didn’t liked someone. It was entirely new, having her lips curve up for softer smiles because of stupid daydreams about him. For having to dodge tricky situations so she wouldn’t blurt out stupid shit and embarrass herself. Pidge just wanted her family back not to fall in love. She couldn’t afford mistakes, especially the way the whole universe was counting on her and the rest of Voltron to liberate them from Zarkon.

She didn’t ask to be a savior; she didn’t like that her family was separated but it happened. And now she had to add being in love into the mix. In all honestly, she didn’t know how Lance could do it, flirting and actually liking all this romantic crap. Hell, she didn’t even want to know how it felt like to incite anything with her crush. But that was the problem, she had to interact with the guy, had to have some mystical bond too in order to form Voltron and she had to live in close proximity with him too. It was a lot, Pidge had to admit. It started out fine, he was plain old Keith, an ex-garrison student with the same level of awkwardness and inability to be a social butterfly. He was great fighter compared to Lance, Hunk and herself that it was reliable to know it just wasn’t Shiro holding that mantel alone of being a capable paladin. He was smart in his own ways the way he was so agile when he worked inside the red lion. The list started to get longer with ridiculous reasons why Keith was so great in her eyes that she didn’t want to exclusively rethink about the list getting longer. But that was happened, it got to the point where Pidge had to groan and throw herself to her bed versus banging her head again on her work desk. She didn’t know when it happened, one day she was fine and determined to get the hang of being a paladin while simultaneously looking for her family. Then bang, she woke up and suddenly Keith’s face looked a little better that she accidentally stared too long she got called out by it from Hunk. She denied any attraction when she was asked later from Hunk, she even sassed Lance when he got a whiff of it the next day. The rest of that week was like a rude awakening of being a teenager, the way her ears burned alongside with her cheeks. Her legs became more noodle like when Keith caught her when she lost her footing while she was on her way to the kitchen. It was like some dumb romantic movie scene with her clumsy footwork and her crush catching her. She hated to admit that she may have got a little lost in his eyes that she had to listen very carefully when she looked halfway of his face.

“You okay?”

Her voice was quieter than usual but she managed to reply back. “Oh...um, yeah…”

She was sure her face was burning and that Keith could practically tell that she was a goner the way his arms held her. It was a nightmare, the way she didn’t want to pull away. To long for leaning further closer to him and wrap her own arms around him too besides letting them briefly make contact with his chest. His face didn’t show her anything concrete to linger, so she pulled back and coughed her awkwardness away before motioning that she was fine and that everybody else was waiting for them. After that incident, it got harder with training sessions. Because during those hours it meant that similar situations could arise since she was one of few that needed more physical training than the rest and Keith was oddly nice enough to help her out. He would get closer than she ready for when her stance was poor, grabbing her she was close to falling on her face and talking to her in a tone that made Pidge almost a hundred percent turn red. It was like she was in the middle of a long painful death that continued day after day. What didn’t help was that even when they wore their suites, Pidge could have sworn she was still able to feel the warmth of his skin when he patted her or grabbed her. When they were partnered up her heart was out of control that it was almost hard to concentrate to Keith talking to her.

It got worse when Shiro was the next one to ask about Keith. He knew her enough that Pidge couldn’t outright lie to his face. So that left her with the only option to instead of running away was to curled up from her seat and leaned on Shiro in defeat. Her choice of words was crude and uncertain but, after getting through the layers of embarrassment she finally bursted and told him how love sucked and that she didn’t want to make it awkward between her and Keith. That she would rather be friends but her stupid heart was saying the total opposite. He listened to all what she had to say and without judging her that in that moment Pidge almost felt relieved for spilling everything. It didn’t resolve her reluctance to love but Pidge felt a little better knowing she could talk to someone about it. After her talk with Shiro sitting next to Keith was slightly weirder the way Shiro made side glances at their way. He never publicly teased her about the way Pidge got squirmy and fidgety but, when they sat in her workshop he pulled out the dorky embarrassing big brother card. She didn’t out right hate but it made her feel like they back at home, where their biggest worries were to graduate levels of school and end up with good jobs for the rest of their days. His laughter gave a little ease and peace before they would have to walk away from the room and repeat the cycle of training and freeing planets. She didn’t tell Keith anything, and the way things were shaping in space she hardly saw a moment where it was appropriate to even tell him. So she stayed quiet and gushed to Shiro when she couldn’t contain her secrets any longer.

Because, Pidge didn’t need to endanger the teamwork they all worked so hard to create in the first place. She rather concentrate on being the green paladin with no complains and find her family at the same. Ir wasn't like she wouldn’t be stuck with liking Keith forever. That was improbable.

Right?


	2. And just like that it made sense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After all that “traveling deep into space” awe faded and reality kicked in, it didn’t take that long for Keith to know that he wanted to hold Pidge’s hand forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompts Used: Burn, Arms

It felt like the world wanted to start shit again the way Keith was copping out in space.

There he was in the middle of cursing the galaxy inside a castle that was also a rocket ship that was around over ten thousands of years old, give or take a couple decades. Not only that but, Keith had to work with other people he apparently was classmates with before he left the garrison and eventually teamed up to save his friend he thought he would never see again. But the cherry on top was after they were able to figure out this old ancient riddle that Keith couldn’t solve for over a year in isolation and that apparently about an advanced alien technology lumped into a space robot lion that could form this bigger and stronger robot to liberate billions of planets that one bad guy was able to conquer the same time the castle’s last occupants were awake for to wage a rebellion for. Not only that but, that he was one of the people that could use those lion robots to kick ass. So yeah, there was a lot riding on his back just because he just happened to feel this mystical power around where he went to school and it got connected for his search for his friend at the time. But now here he was in the middle of space and contemplating his choices of life and why Allura believed that he could save the whole universe. Shiro could pretend that he was fine, but Keith knew that what Shiro needed was to go back in earth and live the rest of his life in peace. Lance and Hunk were complete strangers that got caught up for no reason other than Lance just had this rivalry against him and Hunk being himself didn’t leave Lance’s side from the beginning. While Pidge, lost half her family around the same he lost Shiro and was just as proactive as he was and went into a whole montage of masquerading as a new person while looking for answers that only Voltron could give her right now.

Coran and Allura were the only ones that really first-hand experience to fight Zarkon, other planets did too with the way Allura explained how many fell. In the beginning, Keith was spectacle with all this power one guy could have but after being attacked by his men and having to save Hunk’s new friend he understood the weight of being chosen. Unlike Pidge, Keith was little more curious at the new job he was given. Not that he could blame her much with the way her priorities were set up earlier. It was just this whole new unset of responsibilities seemed to drive him to train and look at the universe with new eyes. There was so much out there that Keith knew that the garrison and his whole world would never be able to teach him any of this. Especially, with the way Coran was easily a walking encyclopedia that loved to teach all the paladins anything and everything. It was an offer few people were able to get and Keith was amazed that he was picked to be a part of Voltron. Sure it was tough with training in combat, but he never had any issues before. He was perfectly fine with them as much as he liked to pilot his red lion. They were things that Keith was sure about himself, and his skills were for sure no illusion rather something to be proud of. He worked on them for years and with the technology that was now available to him he took to the training room and worked harder to improve himself. He never wanted to be weak, both in mind and body.

With Allura and Coran placing Shiro as the leader Keith wanted to prove that he was a great teammate to not only to the one person he knew but, with the rest of crew that got sent up in space. There was so much to think and prepare for that some days it made Keith wonder how long he could last without the comfort of earth. He didn’t make a huge fuss when he left the garrison and it looked like nobody would miss him now with his space traveling. It was fine to an extent, not having people to worry about back in earth but that faded pain of being alone never fully left. He heard stories from the rest of the paladins about their families, they were entertaining enough and as the days blurred he noticed how relaxed he got when each of the paladins and the alteans hangout with him. He learned that no matter the time or place he would always be in some competition against Lance, Coran would be there telling him fun facts, Allura and Shiro would be up for any training, Hunk would be there next to his side checking up on him and Pidge would be Pidge making him laugh when she sassed someone. There was some sort of routine that was being placed that got him seeing life in space was oddly fun and terrorizing. He got to see more than any human being was able to do before, he got a chance to communicate with other life forms people fantasized about doing and it all started because of his intuition told him to branch out of garrison. It was fascinating the way things worked and made Keith gain new friends and goals to overcome. And as he got used to it, he didn’t account for is how flimsy his heart was the way it got burned and churned when he looked past space and more into his team dynamics. That was where he should have known better.

Since that was how Keith felt like he fucked up without even trying when he noticed how that Pidge was actually kind of pretty in her tomboy ways.

The phrasing could have been better but that was what happened. Keith in many ways never cared about looks or hooking with anybody back in earth, it was just never in his radar like it was for Lance. Hunk sort of had the same vibes for occupying his time checking up on his friends all the time than trying to improve his flirting. Shiro was the leader and was defiantly staying away from that lane as he had too much baggage to fret about. Pidge was like in the same boat as Keith himself, having never considered romance in earth and especially when they all got swept into space. It was just too risky to start anything within the team that it was like some unspoken rule not to cross; at least that was how Keith saw it. Lance didn’t pursue Pidge when she announced her real gender, so it looked like everyone just wanted to keep it all platonic in the castle in fear of producing unnecessary drama. It made some sense the way they all couldn’t really form Voltron in the beginning before training and getting to know one another and letting everyone into each other’s minds. It had a purpose but it was a little weird having knowledge that people saw some of his inner thoughts. That was weeks ago, and now they all had a better understanding on how to work together compared when they first began. All that training and small adventures they had in between caught him off guard the way he was starting to be able to read them all and vice versa to him. It was a strange feeling the way how close he was getting with them that it almost made him a little paranoid with all the kindness they were showing him.

He expected the kindness with Shiro, since they had history and with Hunk too since that was in his nature to include him when he thought Keith spend a little too much time in the training room or sleeping. Coran was like that uncle that did the same thing by telling them stories of his youth; it was interesting but it got Keith concerned the way they all huddled closer to him. He did appreciate everything but, that he didn’t like was with all quality time it sometimes included talks of back in earth and how little Keith actually did. He wasn’t a rich guy so he didn’t’ go out much, he didn’t have many friends so he was awkward when Lance and Hunk tried to do “bro” things with him. He didn’t have much vocabulary that was in the same wavelength as Lance and Pidge so when he listened to them go into a meme war he didn’t really understand it. He was almost like a middle aged guy in the form of a teenager the way he needed Hunk or Pidge to explain some references Lance used. Being in space limited them in many ways like having food that was similar to their food. It was an experience but Keith wasn’t as enthusiastic like Hunk. It left him with his own thoughts becoming increasingly embarrassing. He didn’t take any pride the way his stoic demeanor was starting to slip. It got harder the way he started to notice the symptoms of his erratic heart beatings and stiff shoulders when he hanged with Pidge. Before he was able to sit next to her and talk about any topic, then when everything felt calm enough for him to rest he sat too close and was somehow always able to catch her during training sessions.

It was an automatic reflex; to wonder about if she was eating enough, or sleeping at all with the all-nighters she impulsively did. To linger around her and give her pointers for punching or dodging. He knew Shiro was busy trying to make a cohesive and well balanced team that Keith didn’t mind the hours he got to spent with her. It just took one time to know that there was something buried deep in him that understood this development. He didn’t know that the first time he would consider opening his heart would be out in space and in the middle of galactic war that was ten thousand years old. But it happened. And now after living most of his life with the belief that he would never fall in love was shattered and replaced with this burning sensation, it was a weird. In a good way though; it made it interesting to wake up and find himself smile when he greeted Pidge, it got Keith curious of why he was calm. It was confusing to see himself being consumed with this lovey dovey crap and not be repulsed like he was back when he was ten. He just knew that something happened when he first saw her; it wasn’t immediate that his heart exploded right in that spot but, it thumped an extra mile with the adrenaline when the garrison was chasing them. When it got calmer in space and the whole “traveling in space” awe wore off Keith recognized the gut feeling he had, that something was boiling inside his heart and gut. He wanted to spend more time with Pidge, he wanted to see and help her find her family, to have this whole war end with all of them safe and happy. There was so much that settled into his to do list that it was almost ridicules.

But right now, Keith could only think about all the times he was able to hold her. Whether it was her shoulder or hand, Keith remembered how his heart burned his whole body. It was something so new that he wondered why Pidge didn’t notice his shy and risky gestures to linger around her. How he didn’t already blurt out that he thought it was cute to hear her talk about technical stuff he didn’t understand. Or notice his smirk of pride when she managed to clear another level fighting their sparring drone. He was barely keeping his neutral face when she leaned closer to him when they tag teamed in their training sessions. Her eyes of determination always made an impression to him, her choice of words made him always intrigued when she talked. Hell, he liked when they joked around together and shared small stories in private. And those moments started to multiply like crazy that he knew Shiro would be the first one to comment why there was a spike in interest to hang out with Pidge, his stammers and flushed cheeks didn’t fool Shiro. Keith ultimately cracked and told him about his predicament. He was only grateful that Shiro was there to listen to him blab on. He talked for hours that he wasn’t able to see the way Shiro smirked with amusement when he left. Just that Keith now had someone to talk to about his feelings while at the same time would not gossip about it. The last thing he would want was for Pidge to hear about it and make things awkward around them. He just wanted to be awkwardly in love without the consequences of rejection.

He deserved that much right?


	3. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even after admitting to herself and Shiro of being in love, Pidge still didn't feel comfortable to really find out what would happen between her and Keith if she allowed herself to really feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait but I'm glad I got this chapter done. Feel free to like and comment; it gives me happiness to see people enjoy this ship as much I do.

Pidge really had thought that her sessions with Shiro would help her curb her desire to make herself to look stupid in front of Keith. She really did. And that was her mistake because at this point in her life she thought being thrusted into space was her catalyst for most of her fears she had to endure so far. For a genius, Pidge could really be a flipping stupid idiot sometimes. She knew that being unsociable would eventually bite her in ass one day; because the way she screwed up this time around was perhaps the result of why there was a relapse of being more awkward around Keith (and it could have been prevented). Pidge could feel it in her gut, and she couldn’t blame anyone but herself for being careless. It wasn't like she meant to accidentally kiss Keith on the cheek. Honestly, she was just sleep deprived and hallucinating when he found her first than Shiro to tell her to go back to her room to sleep properly. It was an unconscious move, a reckless and definitely accidental spontaneous reflex that derived from her early childhood memories of clinging to the closest person that was around her at the time to as she would sleepily complain about not being tried (even though it was evident that she was). She remembered how the scene would play out with her ending up in a murmuring state before sighing in defeat and giving whoever was trying to bring her to bed a kiss goodnight. It didn't mean anything (for the most part); she absolutely wanted to kick her own ass for being so dumb. What she didn't appreciate was the way Keith gave her a look she couldn't properly read or decipher the rest of the day after she woke up and remembered the feeling of her arms wrapped around his neck and the kiss (that was too brief) that made him take a deep breath. He didn’t drop her; she knew that much the way her frazzled memories came back with seeing images of the hallways that lead to her room, meaning that Keith was nice enough to take her back to her room and still wrap her inside her blankets. She still didn’t know how to feel about that; the way that the brief contact that presented itself with her in a dreary state and him having to put up with her. Was he disgusted? Who knew, Pidge didn't. It was driving her crazy how that boy was making her compulsively rage walk and forth her work room because she was a little too drained to work on anything properly. And she knew her head wouldn’t be able to handle being banged by her desk from her idiocy. The minutes that turned to hours passed awfully and painfully slow for Pidge to come up with a proper excuse on why it happened in the first place.

There was no logic within it, one that could make it any less easy to say out loud and not be judged. It wasn’t like it had a simple solution. Nothing was ever when it concerned the irrational aspects like love that looped her brain and reflexes. Pidge was in trouble and the only thing that kept her calm was that she knew Keith wouldn’t blab about last night. That wasn’t how he worked, he would be a little bit more considerate than what his looks said to the public that didn’t know him well enough. When it would be quiet or slow he would come into his own conclusions before he went straight towards her and ask what was up. But that was the problem, she didn’t know how long she had to explain herself without telling him that the kiss that made her heart burst (even if she was not really awake to remember it fully). How she slept a little calmer and longer because it was him that took her back. That was not something friends and teammates told each other all nonchalant. In her opinion, that sounded creepy and the best way for her lose any connections she barely made with him. She didn’t want to break whatever they had right in the present, which was why she knew how delicate the matter was. Keith probably wouldn’t understand how big it was to her the way she desperately tried to maintain her walls that threaten to collapse. After all, he had his own business and worries to mule over than to have Pidge make everything unbearable to work together. What was worse was that it felt like coming into space was like the stepping stone Pidge never wanted to come across. She blamed the whole puberty bullshit, it was getting too old the way Shiro sensed Keith and herself barely making eye contact and even if they it always ended too short with flinching in-between. She didn’t want him to come over her workroom and demand what the hell happened between them yesterday and now. Oh no, Pidge definitely didn’t want him to go all big brother mode since Matt wasn’t here to do that. That and, it would feel too much like hitting home; to see her dad within Shiro the way he would consult with her and having the right tone for her to get carried away and actually spill. That wasn’t something she wanted to go through, it was even too embarrassing to even process it in her mind as she was alone and in the comfort of her workroom. The quietness was still startling as Pidge quickly went back to staring at her computer noticing how that it wasn’t even on yet. Which made her quickly press on power button and quickly go to the coding she was working on yesterday before Shiro could capture another clue of Pidge not being herself. The process of numbers and symbols bypassing her mind barely cured anything, having her fingers touching the keyboard didn’t equivalent for her mind to fully come into terms with what happened last night. It wasn’t easy to get over it.

She didn’t even think that someone like Lance could recover if it had happened to him. Nobody in the team could have the skills for that. Or at least from what she saw, Pidge didn’t think any of them had the experience to smoothly transition from her predicament. Keith at the moment didn’t show that he was okay with it the way he skipped talking to her and spending more time at the training room more than usual. The next day was the same how they danced and awkwardly made plans to never sit next each other or tag team during training spars. Hunk and Lance gave them looks, Allura wasn't that far of either the way she talked to Shiro and surprisingly enough Keith. Coran, as expected was the uncle that tried to give advice and only making Pidge die in embarrassment the way he flustered the both of them when he cornered them during lunch break. Most of the time she liked Coran, his whacky stories were both hilarious and educational but at that moment she wanted to kick the gravity that held her hostage. Neither Keith or herself said much with the rest of the team. And that was probably for the best, but it still made her scared of the distance she'd create from her carelessness. It wasn't fun to watch him be nervous and hesitant with her. To be within range to grab his arm and want to live in a life where she didn't feel weird or embarrassed to hold his hand in front of everybody. But that wasn't how life worked; and Pidge had to seek him out sooner than later. She knew that much the way Hunk in particular was starting to snoop around with Lance annoyingly by his side commenting like a backseat driver. It unnerved her to a great deal the way they started to come to her workroom and poke around her mood.

Shiro on the other hand was somewhat bearable to stay with. His charms as a big brother were gladly needed but something that proved to still leave her mortified how quickly she broke the dams and ratted herself about her accidental kiss. The look on his face was priceless yet Pidge could only agree on defeat that she had to talk about it with Keith before miscommunications could resurface something ugly between them. But it didn’t stop her mind to come into a state of panic when she saw him. Her body moved on its own, all stiff with a brain that was crashing and melting when she got a look at his face. Her mouth was thankfully more clamped for her to word vomit and make the situation worse. However, neither of them showed signs of wanting to clear up anything. It was like he really was disgusted by her. And she should have seen it coming the way she was getting around life inside the castle without talking to Keith because it was too troublesome for Pidge. Her bad habit of closing off all her problems was rearing back and Keith was making it easy the way he slipped away every time she made some progress of calling out to him.

“Was kissing him by accident that awful?”

Shiro looked at Pidge as she was typing on her makeshift computer. Her face was somewhat composed but he could tell she was upset by her tone and the way her fingers taped her keyboard. “I honestly didn’t think it was that scandalous.” He could only agree the way he was shuffling off between both paladins and listening to each other sides of their stories of insecurities. “But, if you want I can help you get him to stay long enough so you guys can talk about it.”

Pidge sighed while rubbing her eyes. “Thanks, but I think I should it should be me to do that. Besides I really need to just get over.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Neither of them commented on her sweaty palms and her constant motion of wiping her palms on her shorts.

A little after the team’s usual brunch break Keith was in the middle of talking to Allura when Shiro motioned for Pidge to follow her and intercept their conversation. It was casual the way she glued her side to Shiro’s and Keith training his eyes on Allura as she was still talking but making very small side glances towards Pidge. When both their eyes would make contact Pidge would look down on her fingers while Keith looked at anything else that wasn’t Pidge. It was a slow start to hear each other talk with Shiro and Allura monitoring them as they changed topics. Laced in her words Pidge would try to stay rational with the crowd of Hunk and Lance bring Coran into their circle. The easy smiles and jokes that Lance slipped in was enough for Keith to lapse into a silly argument and almost make it seem like they got over the tension they had between each as they interacted with the whole gang. It was like a false sense of comfort to believe that they could forget Pidge’s clumsy kiss and Keith’s inability to say whether he liked it or was against that kind of affection. It would be easy to just push all her worries into the depths of her stomach and in a futile effort delete them from her memory. Nevertheless, Pidge knew that forcing herself to forget how she liked Keith’s face when he smiled wouldn’t be easy. Stopping oneself from liking another being didn’t spell for an equation to follow step by step; it was more like the curse of having stubborn emotions that would continue to ruin her composure. The curiosity of her lips touching his skin was like an unspoken weakness of hers. Shiro didn’t know about that detail but being of sound mind Pidge understood how accepting her crush on him made Keith her kryptonite. If she had to confess anything to him, it would be that she wished she never had met him. Kissing him was bad enough since it made her yearn (for the first time and place) to have a chance with him. His reaction was enough for her to see that was she was right about love. She lived a good life without that kind of love before coming into space, and Pidge would sure as hell would be more than capable to stay successful without it in the future. So then why did her decision hurt her more than she was ever prepared for?

It wasn’t like she had more time to think about the way the crowd dwindled leaving her alone with Keith. From the background she could have sworn she heard Coran’s and Allura’s voices bleeding into each other as they shared an altean story for the rest of the paladins as they all walked away. Keith barely moved from his spot as he rested his hands inside his pockets.

  
“So…um Keith?” Pidge’s voice was somewhat hesitant as she opened her mouth. “About what happened the other day ago—” Keith was uncomfortable as he leaned back and forth his feet but nodded all the same as she continued her explanation. “The kiss didn’t mean anything.”

“Oh.” Keith didn’t look at her at that point. “Okay.”

Hearing how lackluster is was Pidge went on for the sake of getting it over with. “Yeah, I was really tired when you caught me if you haven’t already guessed it when it um…yeah it happened. So I’m sorry that it kind of made it a little weird for a while.” There was a small smile on her lips. “But yeah, I hope we can pretend that it never happened and be cool again.”

The way he shifted in his stance was slow and heavy; but all Pidge could be thankful was the way she was able to spit out her words at all and have Keith nod and agree with a similar smile she wore before walking away. There was still a tension she couldn’t rub away and a hollowness that followed close by but for the most part Pidge counted their talk as success. Pass the pain her heart sent her she went straight to her workroom not noticing Keith with Shiro talking softly to him in condolence.


	4. No more apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically now all Pidge wanted was to live a life before falling in love with Keith. Whereas, Keith just wanted Pidge to understand that he liked the kiss and wanted to be more than fellow paladins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bros I didn't mean to take so long updating this. I'm sorry though and I just want to say thank-you for everyone that has enjoyed this. Like I'm always shocked but very thankful when I get comments and kudos. I love you guys. Like I lot, it has helped me get motivated. Plus, I'm so happy I finished summer session today so now I'll have some free time before fall semester comes along.
> 
> Anways enjoy this chapter! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

Normally during their training sessions when Pidge was teamed up with Keith she had to chase after heart in hopes of not making a fool out of herself in public. After the whole kissing incident with Keith, it occurred to Pidge that something was still lingering. There was a thicker wall between them; it was taller more intimidating to gawk at. Her heart still thumped like crazy but it was a sort of a different kind of nerves. The kind that made her body ridged from fear. It wasn't pleasant like before; it was colder than the time Matt and herself were forced to go ice skating with their extended family a few years ago.

It was hard to stand next to him the way his body leaned away from her. It was minuscule at first. But as the days stretched on Pidge recognized that Keith made more time to spend his hours away from her. It was a shift in contact, like a ripple effect the way she was barely able to read Keith. He had always been hard to understand but when she started liking him she noticed how little she actual knew the guy. Her mistake was she tried to learn how to speak Keith before she fucked up. Now all she was left was the empty trails of what could have been and what ifs. She had no one but herself to crucify, her friendship was what she wanted to protect.  
  
But now it looked like Pidge’s second best talent was fucking shit up. First she lost her brother and dad, then she lied to her mother of where she went and now she managed to pushed away her first crush. She still had her lion and two missions to accomplish but, she couldn’t deny that being a teenager meant that her emotions would ruin her. Her more logical side knew it would come eventually, however at the present all Pidge could concentrate was the fact the she was lonelier than she realized. Lance and Hunk were okay when she infiltrated the Garrison, and it was nice to have Shiro back. Though that was probably the reason why she couldn’t heal. They reminded of the lies and pain she forced herself to do. Allura and Coran were a different kind of pain.  
  
The type that showed how selfish Pidge was in the beginning when she almost left Voltron. She still thought of herself as a selfish bitch though, how could she not. The way she diverted from missions at times if it meant she could find clues to the whereabouts of her father and brother. Or how she had the audacity to mull over and predictably hurt her friendship with Keith. He must have noticed after all…how she really felt for him and now was too uncomfortable around her. It must have disgusting to have a sweaty twerp like her to cling by his side.  
  
Yet it felt like it more than that. In the pit of her stomach she knew that it was more than that. Maybe it was her coming closer to a self-destructive mode where all the pain and failure would usher her into a state of numbness or more likely madness. Either way Pidge was stuck with a knife wedged between her lungs and her heart being ripped apart at the time. All so uncomfortable but something she was all too familiar with when she found about her father and brother. There was a darkness hurling inside her, and she still didn’t know how long she had until it broke her. She wasn’t fit to be a paladin of Voltron, especially in the way she was allowing her emotions to flood her judgement calls.  
  
That was why she knew falling love was a bad idea; why she did allow for Shiro to make her accept her situation? She would have been fine in the denial stage because now Pidge all had was the confirmation that she would never have a happy (safe) life. Her mother must hate her for leaving her childless. Her father and brother would be disappointed if they knew she disobeyed everyone back in Earth. And Shiro…why didn’t he yell at her for being a foolish delusional dumbass? It couldn’t have been hard; he had pinned up rage and fears that paralyzed him into being overly paranoid (for good reasons) and alienated (from the time being tortured and experimented on). He had spent the time away to have legitimate reasons to break down and yell out his frustrations. But he didn’t and it was making Pidge really feel like an ass.  
  
Everybody had problems.  
  
It was just that Pidge really needed to be not be a mess and alone. She wanted her family back, she didn’t want to be an instrument of war and she most definitely didn’t want to be in love. But it still happened….it still happened. And now she was forced to watch someone that never was close to her walk away. Life wasn’t fair, and now in the middle of a long standing war Pidge understood a fraction of what most people had to sacrifice along the way.  
  
What didn’t help was the lack of evidence of Keith moving on. Pidge was a tech wiz first most, but after wailing about her spiraling hormones it wasn’t hard to notice the way Keith was spending more time with Allura than the beginning. Just catching them sparing, walking closer and having hushed conversations Pidge finally understood why he freaked out about the kiss earlier. He liked Allura and didn’t want Pidge to ruin any chances he had with the princess. It made sense the way he hardly wanted to talk to her now, why Keith was so nice to her before her shit crush appeared. He wanted to make Allura see how strong, and dependable he was compared to Shiro. She was stupid.  
  
But it wasn’t like she had the proper channels to contact her mom and have her comfort her. Allura was out of the question since she was who Keith wanted (that and Pidge knew she needed time to cool down before being anywhere close to the princess and not have a hard time explaining why she didn’t like Allura at the moment). Being…jealous… was irrational and beyond stupid but that was what she was reduced to. A fricking idiot in love in the middle of a space war. That was just her luck; heck Pidge knew she had a relatively good life before so why did karma all of a sudden have beef with her? Was it because she didn’t head Cupid’s arrows all willingly? Because if that was it, then that was shit of a reason.

She didn’t know how she ended up in Lance’s room with Hunk having some space junk food passed around and Lance going through his nightly rituals. This was one of the few things that gave her a sense of relief, the way she remembered when Lance would always try to force her to hang out with him and Hunk in late afternoons. There was no music or letters that Lance once shared about his family but it was close enough. It was familiar enough to watch Hunk and Lance make stupid hypothetical scenarios of monster crossovers or overzealous theories of shows/ movies. She would stare at the ceiling of Lance’s room and then watch them both laugh and give small indications that Pidge could stay there for however long she wanted. It was close enough to the nights when Matt held her or listened to her about anything (but mostly tech puzzles and codes).

She was sure that the both of them were curious again, maybe even annoyed that Pidge and Keith couldn’t communicate properly. They never really pushed her to spill everything, they could be nosey but there was line they couldn’t or rather wouldn’t cross the way her face would tell them enough for them to shut up. (Their silence wouldn’t last; Lance and Hunk were too invested as her friends to leave it alone.) Besides that, Pidge was sure Shiro would come around and give her a look that meant she would need to explain herself; that was something she wasn’t looking forward too. Not the way Coran was hanging out with Keith and Allura more frequently. Her gut was getting heavier, which usually correlated when something was coming. It was huge the way the castle was becoming to feel like a cold metallic prison.

That was when she decided to become more proactive again. In her stride to look for Shiro she was caught off guard by Allura grabbing her attention and shoulder. Her voice was the last thing she wanted her ears to pick up, to feel Allura’s gaze reading Pidge’s quiet anger. Like a diplomate and princess Allura insisted and won the battle for Pidge to come over to Allura’s bedroom for a sleepover since she yearned for a girl’s night. With a limited number Pidge became Allura’s center of attention. And just like that Pidge couldn’t help but scream inside her head as she was dragged away.

While Pidge tried to keep a strain smile Keith was hardly having a party too.

It more like Keith’s heart was being constantly sliced and diced every time thought about Pidge or ran into her. The kiss (however brief) was a poison, the way it gave him something to ache for. It was an unstoppable force that gave made his muscles ache from the hours working out. Staying overnight in the training deck was not the healthiest way to solve his problems, but it was the only place he could think of to go when his voice didn’t want to work. It made sense for a person like Keith, because from all the hours he spent harboring his emotions physically like this, it was the only way to calm his nerves. He hated how his chest hurt from the pain of watching Pidge leave his side and make him look like a fool.

It was insane that he thought he had a chance with her in the first place. He shouldn’t have listened to Shiro in the first place, it shouldn’t have mattered that Shiro was the closest he had for a brother. This was…. the crush he had with Pidge was something that should have been cut off before he became too attached. The mess he was now could have been avoided because now all he could see was how Pidge was the girl he was unconsciously looking for. She was tough in her own ways, determined and very logical. There was something in the way she moved that still had him hooked. Even she broke him with words Keith couldn’t erase the appeal of her. It was almost like he doomed forever to be in love with a girl that would never see him more than a teammate.

It burned when she looked at him, when she touched him when they were forced to spar together. That was why he became a coward and tried to distance himself from all the pain. Crying for help was not in the equation but it eventually manifested for him to gain support. Shiro had known him the longest to understand that Keith was fighting a battle he couldn’t win in. Pidge would be the death of him. He was almost okay with that statement, it felt like the years of being isolated from all these strong emotions was making him weak. Her smiles were barely there these days and he hated how hurt she would look when he pulled away from her. He was the cause of making her feel horrible.

They weren’t friends; how could they be when Keith made it harder to make amends with Pidge. He just couldn’t contain everything in order to be a suitable soldier. He was losing his conviction; just like the way all these new layers of emotion were trying to vacating his heart. He didn’t have time to be a heartbroken teenager just like how Pidge didn’t need him to complicate her search for her family. It wasn’t fair of him to whine about how he couldn’t get himself a mutual confession. All those draining sadness wasn’t all new to him, maybe when it concerned his almost non-existent love life but Keith had lived a hard life. One where he had to work hard to get to the starting line.

When he lost his father it was traumatic in the way he was forced to grow up all too fast. Shiro had helped him back on his feet but just like all Keith knew about the world Shiro would eventually become lost in space. That loss was almost worse because back then he was desperately trying to prove the world that he mattered. His brother that made him hopeful for a future was taken. The research that Voltron gave him was the push that connected with the shit storm that was currently manhandling him right now. He was grateful when he was reunited with Shiro, but the war that was plaguing him it made Keith almost too scared to step forward.

There were too many mysteries lurking in every corner like how he was able to open Garla locks or information. Love had barely resurfaced back into his life that it was getting too complex for his liking. Back in Earth he had thought that life was hard but now being in the middle of a war got Keith thinking how naïve he really was. Even when he spoke to Shiro that didn’t mean all his issues were all solved. It would never be that simple, not with the way Shiro was close to Pidge too. He wasn’t blind to see how Shiro cared for Pidge, or the way he spent enough (or just as much) time with her like he did with Keith.

He wasn’t jealous; not really.

Keith knew Shiro for a long time to know when he was in love. Shiro may have loved Pidge but it was the different kind compared how Keith liked Pidge. Their bond was something that Keith didn’t want to jeopardize so he continued on pretending to never notice how Pidge always made time to chat with Shiro. Instead Keith just swigged his arms, kicked the air and until he couldn’t breathe. Sparing with Allura was not what he expected. It was a thrilling experience in the way he was able to improve on his moves with a living person. Someone who understood the burn of stretched muscles and confidence rising after every workout. Her smiles and optimism were something that helped him see the path where he could confront Pidge and tell her out straight how he truly felt.

Her punches were a truth that made Keith see why Shiro insisted on him to already talking to Pidge. Not only that but having another girl’s insight was valuable in its own way. Coran coming into the picture was also not expected but it was strangely comforting the way he watched Coran being all too ecstatic and curious about how earthlings attempted to court each other. It didn’t make any less scary the way he counted the days when Pidge and himself couldn’t look each other in the eyes without wincing. When it was almost too much he sighed one last breath before he marched over to Pidge’s work station. Hearing her type in the laptop was different than seeing for himself of the computer glare making her face shine.

She looked awful, hair all tangled, dark shadows underneath her eyes as she bit her lips in deep concentration. With the litter of cups and plates around her floor and desk was any indication, it meant she was going through an all-nighter morning. Breakfast was soon going to be served and he knew that Shiro was due any moment to call Pidge out for breakfast and quick nap. So he forced himself to move towards her, his lungs were screaming, his body was too stiff but when he was close enough he tapped her shoulder. He watched how she slumped her shoulders and gave a nod of acknowledgment before turning and freezing in her momentum when she noticed his red jacket.

“Oh hi.” Her frazzled and slurred speech made him more careful with him keeping his hand on her shoulder. “I think I owe you an apology.”

Keith felt his mouth twitch, “Yeah?” it felt more like it was really him that needed to straighten things between them. “Last I’ve check it was me that fucked up this time.”

Pidge looked a little confused, “Nope. Pretty sure it was my fault again.” She wobbled a little as she got up. “Look. I made things awkward in the first place when umm…you know that happened.” She didn’t look directly at him. “And I was thinking…not like in compulsively weirdo way but, more like a passing-thought-kind like a friend does. This isn’t my business but I noticed how recently you’ve been hanging out with Allura….”

Keith by then wanted to groan by the way the conversation was replaying like last time as Pidge went on. “…. and I just want to say that if I ruined your chances with Allura I can go and have another sleepover with her and make sure to put in a good word for you.” When he didn’t say anything Pidge risked a glance. “Keith? Keith, like seriously I can he—”.

“Hey Pidge breakfast is done—oh Keith morning. I didn’t realize you came to get Pidge for breakfast.”

Keith didn’t bother turning around to see Shiro glancing at them. Nor did he give a chance for Pidge to fully walk away from him. His hand on her shoulder slide up to her face. He quickly closed his eyes and leaned down and kissed her with clumsy force. With electricity running through his body he couldn’t help but shiver the way he felt her lean in further subconsciously before Pidge’s brain was suddenly well aware of what was happening. She pulled away just as he opened his eyes and see how confused she was.

“Shit, Keith why did you kiss me?”

Keith looked so done. “Because I like you.”


End file.
